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Post by mohs on Apr 24, 2020 23:06:51 GMT -5
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.
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Post by RickB on Apr 28, 2020 12:54:11 GMT -5
The Complete 14 Batman Window Cameos
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Post by nowyo on May 1, 2020 15:25:56 GMT -5
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Post by mohs on May 10, 2020 19:24:11 GMT -5
"Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. Lady 1: What's that? Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Lady 1: Where did you get it? Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but he politely asks what brand she prefers. Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel. well this dumb but what else do we have
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Post by mohs on May 10, 2020 19:55:12 GMT -5
Which reminds of the old classic
A guy wake up with an erection 3 days later he still as it A perpetual boner
So he puts on overcoat And walks down to the local pharmacy To get an opinion
The pharmacist is a lady and the man is standing at the counter, in his overcoat. Visibly embarrassed and unwilling to speak up
The pharmacist says: “Sir --my Sister and I own this pharmacy. We have been in this business for over 20 years. We’ve dealt with every sort of problem. So please-- just tell me what ails you.”
So the man open his overcoat and told the pharmacist: “I’ve had this for 3 days and it won’t go away. Is there anything toy van give me for it?"
“O my!” says the pharmacist. “I'll have to consult with my sister. I’ll be right back"
On her returns she says: "We’ve decided to give ya ½ the business and free meals…"
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Post by RickB on May 11, 2020 13:58:03 GMT -5
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Post by parfive on May 21, 2020 13:53:31 GMT -5
Senior trying to reset password.
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50damnboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
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Post by knave on May 21, 2020 21:05:58 GMT -5
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Post by rockpickerforever on Jun 6, 2020 18:54:15 GMT -5
A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.
She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker
"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"
The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".
The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".
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quartz
Cave Dweller
breakin' rocks in the hot sun
Member since February 2010
Posts: 3,332
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Post by quartz on Jun 6, 2020 22:51:22 GMT -5
I've been wondering if the houses of ...ah ill repute that are legal in Nevada are doing curbside service like so many other businesses are.
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Post by knave on Jun 6, 2020 23:13:01 GMT -5
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Post by RickB on Jun 8, 2020 16:36:34 GMT -5
7 into 28
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Post by knave on Jun 8, 2020 17:35:01 GMT -5
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Post by parfive on Jun 10, 2020 14:56:20 GMT -5
I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia.
She leaned in close and whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
I called the paranoia hotline the other night.
Some guy answered and said, “How did you get this number?”
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Post by rockpickerforever on Jun 19, 2020 19:07:02 GMT -5
Here’s something you can do this afternoon. I was in a long McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order. “Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you," obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with a kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the line start all over. I'm old, what can I say? I didn't do it on purpose. Or did I?
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Post by parfive on Jun 30, 2020 19:59:40 GMT -5
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don’t know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one."
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EricD
Cave Dweller
High in the Mountains
Member since November 2019
Posts: 1,142
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Post by EricD on Jun 30, 2020 20:18:00 GMT -5
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don’t know if it's in yet." "Yeah, that's the one." Lmao. The things they come up with on a rock tumbling forum
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Post by knave on Jul 1, 2020 3:18:13 GMT -5
What car has a permanent wedgie?
A: Hyundai
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Post by RickB on Jul 10, 2020 13:42:28 GMT -5
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Post by RickB on Jul 11, 2020 5:46:27 GMT -5
Friday Funny
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