Post by panamark on Jul 21, 2014 18:48:35 GMT -5
Jed Clampett: You hadn't ought to be ashamed of your Pa.
Justin Addison: Ashamed of him? Why Dad was an MIT PHD.
Jed Clampett: You don't need to spell it out, I heard ugly words before.
Jed Clampett: Elly, Nature made you a girl, and here lately she's been gettin' more and more positive about it.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Have you guessed what it is I've been trying to tell you?
Jed Clampett: No Ma'am.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Can't you tell just by looking at me?
Jed Clampett: 'Fraid not.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Then I must tell you. This burden is more than I can carry alone. It weighs too heavily on me. I can hide it no longer. I'm infatuated.
Jed Clampett: Well shucks Ma'am. If that's all that's been botherin' you, ferget it. You're just pleasingly plump.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: I'd feel much better if you could put your arm around me.
Jed Clampett: Mrs. Drysdale, I could put my arm around you and have half of it left over. You've got to stop worryin' 'bout bein' fat.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Jed, I've been trying to tell you something in a subtle manner and I'm getting nowhere with it. Very well, I'll show you how I feel.
[Mrs. Drysdale sits on Jed's lap]
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Now do you know what I've been talking about.
Jed Clampett: I do for a fact. Your plumb shuttin' off the blood to my leg.
Mr. Pinckney: I'd like to prepare for you a gourmet dinner.
Daisy Moses: What do ya reckon a gourmet is?
Jed Clampett: I dunno, but if he fries it good in lard, I reckon we can eat it.
Jed Clampett: I reckon cousin Pearl can look after herself, but I got a daughter, Elly May, an' I catch you makin' one move in her direction, you're gonna find yourself weighin' about three bullets heavier.
Jed Clampett: Yonder comes Mrs. Drysdale and she's fetchin a present.
[Mrs. Drysdale arrives with a baby goat]
Jed Clampett: Good mornin' Mrs. Drysdale.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Will you please take this animal and keep it here!
Jed Clampett: Well thank you very kindly.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: And will you please tell Elly May we have a pet ordinance!
Jed Clampett: Oh I'd rather not, she'll be wantin' one.
"Milburn Drysdale: Where is your mother?
Morgan Drysdale: She's changing.
Milburn Drysdale: That would be too much to hope for."
"Elly May: I reckon why they got two sets of steps.
Jethro: That's easy! One's for going up, and the other's for going down!
Elly May: Oh."
Granny: How do you like yer possum, Lowell, fallin' off the bones tender or with a little fight left in it?
Lowell Redlings Farquhar: [looking slightly nauseated] I'm really not hungry.
Jed Clampett: [On Jethro's intelligence, or lack thereof] If brains was lard, that boy wouldn't have enough to grease a skillet.
"Jethro Bodine: [Granny and Cousin Pearl disagreeing over who is going to cook in the kitchen] Hey, Uncle Jed. Come on back. There's gonna be a fight.
Cousin Pearl Bodine: Oh, I don't fight nobody twice my age.
Daisy Moses: There ain't nobody twice your age!
Cousin Pearl Bodine: I happen to be on the sunny side of 45.
[slaps table]
Daisy Moses: Well, then move over into the shade. You're drying up something awful."
"Jed Clampett: [remembering a time Granny broke her hip on the ice] The poor woman was limpin' fer two days."
and a freebee from another favorite:
Justin Addison: Ashamed of him? Why Dad was an MIT PHD.
Jed Clampett: You don't need to spell it out, I heard ugly words before.
Jed Clampett: Elly, Nature made you a girl, and here lately she's been gettin' more and more positive about it.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Have you guessed what it is I've been trying to tell you?
Jed Clampett: No Ma'am.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Can't you tell just by looking at me?
Jed Clampett: 'Fraid not.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Then I must tell you. This burden is more than I can carry alone. It weighs too heavily on me. I can hide it no longer. I'm infatuated.
Jed Clampett: Well shucks Ma'am. If that's all that's been botherin' you, ferget it. You're just pleasingly plump.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: I'd feel much better if you could put your arm around me.
Jed Clampett: Mrs. Drysdale, I could put my arm around you and have half of it left over. You've got to stop worryin' 'bout bein' fat.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Jed, I've been trying to tell you something in a subtle manner and I'm getting nowhere with it. Very well, I'll show you how I feel.
[Mrs. Drysdale sits on Jed's lap]
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Now do you know what I've been talking about.
Jed Clampett: I do for a fact. Your plumb shuttin' off the blood to my leg.
Mr. Pinckney: I'd like to prepare for you a gourmet dinner.
Daisy Moses: What do ya reckon a gourmet is?
Jed Clampett: I dunno, but if he fries it good in lard, I reckon we can eat it.
Jed Clampett: I reckon cousin Pearl can look after herself, but I got a daughter, Elly May, an' I catch you makin' one move in her direction, you're gonna find yourself weighin' about three bullets heavier.
Jed Clampett: Yonder comes Mrs. Drysdale and she's fetchin a present.
[Mrs. Drysdale arrives with a baby goat]
Jed Clampett: Good mornin' Mrs. Drysdale.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Will you please take this animal and keep it here!
Jed Clampett: Well thank you very kindly.
Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: And will you please tell Elly May we have a pet ordinance!
Jed Clampett: Oh I'd rather not, she'll be wantin' one.
"Milburn Drysdale: Where is your mother?
Morgan Drysdale: She's changing.
Milburn Drysdale: That would be too much to hope for."
"Elly May: I reckon why they got two sets of steps.
Jethro: That's easy! One's for going up, and the other's for going down!
Elly May: Oh."
Granny: How do you like yer possum, Lowell, fallin' off the bones tender or with a little fight left in it?
Lowell Redlings Farquhar: [looking slightly nauseated] I'm really not hungry.
Jed Clampett: [On Jethro's intelligence, or lack thereof] If brains was lard, that boy wouldn't have enough to grease a skillet.
"Jethro Bodine: [Granny and Cousin Pearl disagreeing over who is going to cook in the kitchen] Hey, Uncle Jed. Come on back. There's gonna be a fight.
Cousin Pearl Bodine: Oh, I don't fight nobody twice my age.
Daisy Moses: There ain't nobody twice your age!
Cousin Pearl Bodine: I happen to be on the sunny side of 45.
[slaps table]
Daisy Moses: Well, then move over into the shade. You're drying up something awful."
"Jed Clampett: [remembering a time Granny broke her hip on the ice] The poor woman was limpin' fer two days."
and a freebee from another favorite: