Fossilman
Cave Dweller
Member since January 2009
Posts: 20,685
|
Post by Fossilman on Feb 5, 2018 11:23:12 GMT -5
...
I need to VENT!!!!!!! Because I'M MAAAAD!! I just went to Walmart to pick up a few things. I'm waiting in the self-checkout line and I dropped a $20 bill, the lady in front of me picked it up. I thanked her and held my hand out, and she said, "The things found on earth are kept by the collector," and walks away. I was like oh NO, yo gonna give me my $20!! I looked at the person behind me and we're like.... this can't be real life right now, right?! So I took a deep breath and turned back towards the lady/thief/or whatever you wanna call her and as I approached her I said, "Do I look like I'm in the mood to play games? Give me back my money." She had the nerve to ignore me completely and TRIED to walk away from me... SOOOOO, of course, I left everything and followed her into the parking lot as I was calling the police (because of course somebody's about to go to jail... not sure who at this point though, her or me). She was almost running at this point to get away from me, which was the first sign of real intelligence she had shown. When she got to her car she put her bags on the ground trying to quickly get her trunk open. I was boiling at this point and decided that her “finders keepers" rule just presented the perfect opportunity for a great teachable moment... SO... ran as fast as my chubby legs would go, and grabbed her grocery bags, and headed to my car yelling, "The things found on earth are kept by the collector!" I hopped in my car ignoring her every attempt to get my attention. I was outta line I'll admit, but she was too. I was HOT, but I had a sense of satisfaction at the same time. Let me say this, anyone who knows me knows that as an adult I've never stolen anything so this is completely out of character for me. But anyway I get home and open the bags and what did I find? 3 packs of ribeye steaks 3 pounds of wild caught salmon 2 pounds of Vegetables Everything to make a bomb salad And two boxes of Little Debbie’s I can't help but think to myself... WOW! Not bad for $20...
In all seriousness.... this is just a joke to see who would read the entire post.
|
|
|
Post by MsAli on Feb 5, 2018 11:27:03 GMT -5
Thank you for the morning laugh
|
|
|
Post by rockjunquie on Feb 5, 2018 11:40:50 GMT -5
Good one!!!! You actually had me going and I was rooting for you the whole way. Awesome!
|
|
Tommy
Administrator
Member since January 2013
Posts: 12,683
|
Post by Tommy on Feb 5, 2018 12:39:01 GMT -5
Haha you had me right up until you followed her out and I started thinking $20 just ain't worth getting shot in a Walmart parking lot.
|
|
wannabee
starting to spend too much on rocks
Member since September 2016
Posts: 188
|
Post by wannabee on Feb 5, 2018 13:36:17 GMT -5
Here I was having feelings of great poetic justice . . . and you yanked the rug out from under me. Well played
|
|
|
Post by fantastic5 on Feb 5, 2018 13:45:40 GMT -5
You had me laughing out at "I left everything and followed her into the parking lot as I was calling the police (because of course somebody's about to go to jail... not sure who at this point though, her or me)."
I was suspicious about the validity of the story near the end, but a great read and LOL!
Perfect for a Monday at work!!
|
|
|
Post by aDave on Feb 5, 2018 13:56:30 GMT -5
Nice one Fossilman . You had me sucked in the whole time, probably due to an event I had there once. A couple years ago, I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow and was standing in line at Wal-Mart getting ready to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. First thing I thought was “where’s your sign lady,” but decided to go with it. SO… I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Weight Loss Diet again. I said I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital the last time. But, it worked because I lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is: you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. It's an easy diet to follow, and the dog food is nutritionally complete. That's why I was going to go on it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was totally enthralled with my story to say the least. Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. ************** I wish I could take credit for that, but it's one of the funniest Walmart or insert favorite big box store here jokes I'd ever seen. Dave
|
|
Fossilman
Cave Dweller
Member since January 2009
Posts: 20,685
|
Post by Fossilman on Feb 5, 2018 14:10:58 GMT -5
Nice one Fossilman . You had me sucked in the whole time, probably due to an event I had there once. A couple years ago, I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow and was standing in line at Wal-Mart getting ready to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. First thing I thought was “where’s your sign lady,” but decided to go with it. SO… I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Weight Loss Diet again. I said I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital the last time. But, it worked because I lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is: you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. It's an easy diet to follow, and the dog food is nutritionally complete. That's why I was going to go on it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was totally enthralled with my story to say the least. Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. ************** I wish I could take credit for that, but it's one of the funniest Walmart or insert favorite big box store here jokes I'd ever seen. Dave LMAO Oldie but goodie too, Dave.......
|
|
|
Post by Pat on Feb 5, 2018 14:17:34 GMT -5
Loved your story! Hoped it was true.
|
|
|
Post by vegasjames on Feb 5, 2018 15:24:11 GMT -5
Good one, funny.
|
|
zekesman
Cave Dweller
Member since May 2016
Posts: 637
|
Post by zekesman on Feb 5, 2018 18:01:38 GMT -5
Haha you had me right up until you followed her out and I started thinking $20 just ain't worth getting shot in a Walmart parking lot. Sometimes it is the point. . . . Not the worth. I have chased down big young men over taking earrings from our booth at fairs. Vic
|
|
|
Post by rockpickerforever on Feb 5, 2018 18:57:16 GMT -5
Haha you had me right up until you followed her out and I started thinking $20 just ain't worth getting shot in a Walmart parking lot. Sometimes it is the point. . . . Not the worth. I have chased down big young men over taking earrings from our booth at fairs. Vic Years ago, we were out at Glamis, and some friends of ours elderly mother (maybe in her 60s, at the time, a slight little woman) had come out with them. Was probably Thanksgiving. She was a die-hard Chargers fan (back when San Diegans used to care about them), and was wearing a knit cap with "Chargers" on it, in Charger blue and gold. We were at the bottom of Competition Hill, which, back then, was the place to be when it was a big holiday. At night, crowds of people, limited visibility from smoke from campfires, magnesium fires, bean oil from the 2 stroke bikes, NOISE, hellacious crowds. She was riding on the back of her daughter's three wheeler, and some big guy just reached over and snatched that hat right off the top of her head! She jumped right off that moving bike, and went to retrieve her hat. Never in a million years could they have imagined that that little old grey-haired lady would fight back. The big guy and his buddies were playing keep away with it, holding it up in the air, while she jumped in their faces and tried to get it back. Someone finally stepped in and got her hat back for her. Looking back on it after all these years, I think it was hilarious! Not so much at the time, that little woman was really pissed! She was full of piss and vinegar, and I don't blame her one bit.
Definitely, not the worth. Just the point or principal. You don't take things that don't belong to you. It ain't right!
|
|
|
Post by spiceman on Feb 5, 2018 22:26:03 GMT -5
I don't think it should be graded but... I give you an A + Good story, creative, action packed with no violence.
|
|
Fossilman
Cave Dweller
Member since January 2009
Posts: 20,685
|
Post by Fossilman on Feb 5, 2018 22:32:18 GMT -5
I didn't write it,but did pass it on for anyone to share... I do have stories I wrote,might share a few some day.
|
|
zzyzzyx
having dreams about rocks
Member since October 2017
Posts: 60
|
Post by zzyzzyx on Feb 6, 2018 0:27:54 GMT -5
What!
|
|
|
Post by rockpickerforever on Feb 6, 2018 1:04:02 GMT -5
I don't think it should be graded but... I give you an A + Good story, creative, action packed with no violence. Creative? It is a true story! I didn't make it up, it really happened. There very well could have been some violence brought by the elderly lady against the hat stealer if she didn't get it back, lol. She had some spunk! ETA - Oh, wait.. Which story were you referring to Dale? A few of them were related above.
|
|
|
Post by spiceman on Feb 6, 2018 18:24:44 GMT -5
I don't think it should be graded but... I give you an A + Good story, creative, action packed with no violence. Creative? It is a true story! I didn't make it up, it really happened. There very well could have been some violence brought by the elderly lady against the hat stealer if she didn't get it back, lol. She had some spunk! ETA - Oh, wait.. Which story were you referring to Dale? A few of them were related above. It is a response to fossil mans thread but your story fits in the same category.
|
|
|
Post by rockpickerforever on Feb 6, 2018 18:31:02 GMT -5
Creative? It is a true story! I didn't make it up, it really happened. There very well could have been some violence brought by the elderly lady against the hat stealer if she didn't get it back, lol. She had some spunk! ETA - Oh, wait.. Which story were you referring to Dale? A few of them were related above. It is a response to fossil mans thread but your story fits in the same category. Gotcha, Dale!
Didn't mean to be stealing the response to Fossilman 's story!
|
|
|
Post by melhill1659 on Feb 6, 2018 21:25:16 GMT -5
Well done!! Mike Dropped
|
|