Post by sandsman1 on Aug 22, 2004 19:45:54 GMT -5
Ramblings of an old retired mind
>
>I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that
>everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door
>opener. Now everyone thinks that I'm cool, too.
>
>I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer
>cans!
>
>I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have
>something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
>
>I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it,
>"Pumping
>Rust".
>
>I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease...that's when your chest is
>falling into your drawers!
>
>You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you
>got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"
>
>Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of
>an
>emergency. I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"
>
>Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
>supposed to do . . . write to these people? Why don't they just put their
>pictures on the postage stamps so the mail carriers could look for them
>while they
>delivered the mail?
>
>Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use, the bubbles are
>always white?
>
>Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that
>something new to eat will have materialized?
>
>Why d o people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
>cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give
>their
>vacuum one more chance?
>
>Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
>
>Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup
>is
>how close to the road the stuff is placed?
>
>In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when
>we complained about the heat?
>
>How come we never hear any "father-in-law" jokes?
>
>If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife
>told
>you to?
>
>Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep
>wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly
>ill
>'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?
>
>I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
>they get older then it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.
>
>As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on a curve rather than just
>pass/fail. _________________________________________________________________
>
>I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that
>everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door
>opener. Now everyone thinks that I'm cool, too.
>
>I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer
>cans!
>
>I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have
>something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
>
>I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it,
>"Pumping
>Rust".
>
>I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease...that's when your chest is
>falling into your drawers!
>
>You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you
>got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"
>
>Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of
>an
>emergency. I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"
>
>Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
>supposed to do . . . write to these people? Why don't they just put their
>pictures on the postage stamps so the mail carriers could look for them
>while they
>delivered the mail?
>
>Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use, the bubbles are
>always white?
>
>Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that
>something new to eat will have materialized?
>
>Why d o people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
>cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give
>their
>vacuum one more chance?
>
>Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
>
>Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup
>is
>how close to the road the stuff is placed?
>
>In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when
>we complained about the heat?
>
>How come we never hear any "father-in-law" jokes?
>
>If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife
>told
>you to?
>
>Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep
>wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly
>ill
>'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?
>
>I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
>they get older then it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.
>
>As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on a curve rather than just
>pass/fail. _________________________________________________________________