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Post by BearCreekLapidary on Sept 1, 2004 15:19:35 GMT -5
Hello everyone, This is totally unrelated to our general fourm ... I just needed to get some things off of my chest. My son is leaving home and I am having a hard time adjusting to the fact that he is grown up and trying to get out on his own . I knew that this day would come ... I am just not ready for it. My son came into this world at 2lbs 12 1/2 ounces on December 16, 1984. After loosing our Daughter (C.J. - Courtney Jane) two years earlier (another three month premature baby) ... well, he holds a very special place in my heart. He has been my best friend, fishing buddy, hunting buddy, rockhounding buddy ... you name it and we have always done it togther. Today, I realized what my Mother told me years ago ... "you will never realize how I feel today ... until your son leaves home for the first time". I think Mom was a lot tougher than her son is today! I'm just having a tough time of it today and wanted to get some of this off of my chest. It feels like the worlds in my throat. Thanks for allowing me to grow a little. John
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Post by krazydiamond on Sept 1, 2004 15:33:03 GMT -5
Poor ol' Bear..
is he going away to college? at least he is leaving under happy, normal circumstances? you are still friends? no family animosity?
things could be a lot worse, believe me...
still, i'm sure it is difficult, glad you felt you could include us when you needed to download some sadness, we are here.
KD
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Post by hermatite on Sept 1, 2004 15:34:45 GMT -5
BearCreek...my daughter's only three so I haven't faced what you're going through. But I know that even if he's moving away from home, the bond you've developed will always be there. My parents are truly my best friends (what a change because when I was 15 they were the stupidest people I knew...I guess they changed alot. ;D). And I heard something today that may help...it goes like this. "If you love something, set it free...if it comes back to you...it needs money!". Call him once a week just to say hi. He won't mind. I've been away from home now for...oh...100 years seems like and I still talk to my parents once a week. These bonds don't disappear with distance or time.
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Banjocreek
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since March 2003
Posts: 1,115
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Post by Banjocreek on Sept 1, 2004 16:26:42 GMT -5
I know exactly how you feel. My daughter moved out and got married and lives in Scotland now. I miss her dearly. She too was my best friend, (apart from my wife) and she was always was by my side when ever I was working on any kind of project. She gave me laughs and constructive criticism, and we shared great times together. But now she is very far away. I had a difficult time at first, but she has a life to lead, and she loves me as much as she always did. I was able to fly her home here for my wifes funeral, where she was by my side again. We wept together, and now she has gone back to Scotland to be with her husband. I am glad to have a daughter and friend like her and even though she is many miles away, I can call her and refresh our memories, and I have to get on with my own life. I sure do understand. It is hard, very hard. But never too hard In the grand scheme of things, we must do this. In this day and age I am very fortunate, as you are to have a child you love, and loves you back. You did a fine job raising him, and now its time to let go. And as sure as the grass is green, he'll be right around the corner as soon as he needs something. And you will give it to him and more. Hopefully when he has children, they will be as terrific as your son. Then your love can be poured out all over again on them. Get them all the candy and treats they want, get them all sugared up, and send them home. ;D Genesis 2.24
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Post by cookie3rocks on Sept 1, 2004 16:34:25 GMT -5
Bear, bet you feel like there's a hole in your heart right now, a piece of you missing. "Empty Nest Syndrome" is very common and very real. One of my aunts almost had to be hospitalised when her only child moved out. I don't have children of my own, but I do remember when my brother moved out. We were very close and I came home from school one day with a story to tell him, started talking when I hit the door, got to his room and remembered. I couldn't do that anymore. Hard to describe how my heart sank with the realzation. Your boy is a man now. Call him when you want to talk, and encourge him to be independent as well. Let him know you trust his judgement, not keeping tabs, ya just miss him. I think he'd like that. I would. Cry your eyes out if you need to. See, what men don't get about women boo hooing is that it's a release valve. It gets the pent up emotions out, if only for a little while. But they do need to come out, so let them. Don't know if what I said helped at all, mostlt know we're here for ya!
cookie
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thewiz
has rocks in the head
"What good is money if you don't spend it"
Member since January 2004
Posts: 735
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Post by thewiz on Sept 1, 2004 16:37:22 GMT -5
as i read this i guess it's not so bad hearing my nine and five year old fighting all the time. even as i type this post. but as kids did we even think of the pain of our parents felt when we walked out the door.
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bwalters
has rocks in the head
Member since March 2004
Posts: 557
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Post by bwalters on Sept 1, 2004 19:04:06 GMT -5
John, I feel for you. When my oldest married and left home at just 18, I felt as though I had lost my best friend and my baby at the same time. Fortunately, she married a local boy and they are still here in Medina and have given me 2 beautiful grandchildren that are my absolute joys! I get to see them all almost everyday, and definitely talk to them everyday. Even though I thought she was making a HUGE mistake at the time, it was time for her to move on with her life, and I couldn't be more proud of her today.
My second left in the middle of her senior year to go live with her dad 300 miles away. That was painful on several different levels! Today, she is still 300 miles away (after several brief times of moving back "home" over the years), and has a 5 year old son that is also one of the special joys in my life.
My point here is that even though you feel such a loss in your life today, 'tomorrow' could hold surprises from your son more wonderful than you can even imagine.
It is SO hard to let go of them, but try to have faith that he will make all of the right choices. And hopefully, he has only left your house.......NOT your life!
BE
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Post by BearCreekLapidary on Sept 1, 2004 20:17:49 GMT -5
Hello everyone, Thanks for the kind words and I appreciate your comments. My son is not leaving on bad terms, and he is not moving to another country ... he will still be within 15 miles from home ... so that is not too bad. I am just having a hard time with it that's all. I know that it is something that we both must do ... I don't want him to be like my step-brother ... he's 37 years old and still living with/off of his mom and step dad. That I don't think I would be too happy about It's just tough that's all ... good God I hope I don't need medical attention for this . How would that sound ... What is the reason for your visit today? ... My son has left home. ... You big baby ... get the h_ll out of my office and don't come back! ... I would take a box of tissue on my way out though ;D. Thanks for all of the support - can men have PMS ...(Parents Missing Son)? I was just curious ;D Have a great evening, John
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Post by cookie3rocks on Sept 1, 2004 20:23:53 GMT -5
Yes John. Like I said, it's empty nest syndrome and it is very real. Shouldn't have mentioned about my aunt. She had to be hospitalized when she quit smoking after 40 years, so she's an extreme case. Point is, even in the extreme, it will be ok. We Love Ya!
cookie
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Post by hermatite on Sept 1, 2004 20:25:32 GMT -5
Hi Bear...do you feel like eating an entire cherry pie, watching An Affair to Remember and weeping quietly in a corner? because...yes...that's PMS. Schedule some regular get togethers...15 minutes...that's doable. And it'll make you feel better.
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Post by connrock on Sept 1, 2004 20:53:41 GMT -5
Hi John, My son was always with me no matter where I was going or what I was doing. I can remember his tiny hand holding my index finger as we walked along. I can remember him waddeling as he walked with his diaper and rubber pants. I can remember the first fish he caught with a stick and a safety pin for a hook. I can remember teaching him how to ride a 2 wheel bike. But the one thing I can remember the most is when he found out that girls wern't all that bad!!He was 13 at the time and I had lost my best friend for what I thought was forever!! After he got a little older and could understand I told how I felt when he "left me".He smiled and gave me a big hug!! He's 37 now,married and has 2 sons of his own who are stuck to him like glue. He's a good father and he's going to have the same problem his dad had when "his" son"left him"!! It's tough to loose your best friend but if you raised him right,,,,,,,,,He'll be back!! Tom
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bwalters
has rocks in the head
Member since March 2004
Posts: 557
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Post by bwalters on Sept 1, 2004 21:05:29 GMT -5
How old is your son, John? And why did he move?
15 miles is not very far. Are y'all planning to see each other regularly?
I wish you both the very best!
BE
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Post by rockyraccoon on Sept 1, 2004 21:11:07 GMT -5
i have no advise as mine is 5 and i stayed a wreck almost all of last year when she went to 4k. the first time she walked into the school without me i had to call my mom for comfort. SO WHAT IS THIS YOU'RE TELLING ME - WE HAVE TO LET THEM GO OUT ON THEIR OWN i had to ask the principal where he kept his paper bags for the hyperventilating moms last year! but now my friend's child i've been telling for years that as soon as she gets her own place i'm running all over the house, knocking things over and wrecking the place and by all means peeing on her couch ;D and she's almost there! kim
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llanago
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since January 2004
Posts: 1,714
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Post by llanago on Sept 1, 2004 21:20:33 GMT -5
Bear, you big baby, you! ;D Sounds to me like you did a fine job of raising your boy, and since he's only moving a hop, skip and jump away, ya'll will still see aot of each other. There will be tons more things you will share. I don't have any kids, so I don't know exactly how you feel, but I am sure there is just a big, lonely place inside. I want you to look at the good thing about his getting his own place. Now you can chase momma around the house in reckless abandonment, maybe even nekkid, and not have to worry about the "boy" catching you and everybody being embarrassed half to death. Remember what romance was like before you had kids - those wonderful, sexy evenings together listening to soft music and sipping wine. Dancing in the moonlight. Etc., Etc. Now you can do those things again without interruption. And if you never did those things before the "boy" came along, now's a good time to start! Just thinkin' about all that neat stuff you and momma can do now should cheer you up considerably! ;D I'm smilin' just thinkin' about it! Of course, could be because I have this image of you chasing momma through the house buck ass nekkid, cave man style, with a big club in one hand and reaching for her ponytail with the other.;D llana
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Post by BearCreekLapidary on Sept 1, 2004 21:23:24 GMT -5
Hi everyone, Johnny has been looking for a while now and he just found a great 2 bedroom home in town. We went to town and got all of the utilities taken care of today and got the first months rent/deposit taken care of. His girlfriend is back in town and he loves her dearly. She moved with her family right at 8 months ago and has been basically on her own ever since. I do not understand some people ... I have not worn their shoes ... so, I am not able to say much really. But, to just abandon her ... come on! Oh, I'm sure we'll be in touch at least once a week if not more It's just the fact that memories just keep pouring back into my mind. It seems like yesterday, I was taking him fishing when he was four, and now he is getting out on his own. I am proud and saddened at the same time. It's kind of like the country song ... something like ... when men become daddy's, they become big babies all over again! Thanks for the inspirational replies ... they are deeply welcomed! Thanks everyone, John
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MoonStone
starting to spend too much on rocks
Member since August 2004
Posts: 202
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Post by MoonStone on Sept 2, 2004 1:19:10 GMT -5
That was very nice posting John, you really are a very good man and a great father! The first week will be the most difficult one, and, he will miss you too. Then little by little you will get used to this change and will start to really enjoy a new type of relationship with your son who has become a man on his own:D
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Post by Cher on Sept 2, 2004 6:53:02 GMT -5
Awww John, I can so sympathize with you, I've been through it twice now. Fortunately my daughter is only 15 miles away but my son is 225 miles and it's very hard to get to visit him.
It's very hard when they leave home but don't worry, there'll be plenty of contact. You have to realize what a big step this is for him also. He's used to having you available "in the other room" when he had a question or wanted to show you something. He's going to experience some of the same things you're feeling now when he realizes he can't just holler ... "Hey Dad" but has to pick up the phone to make that contact. Fortunately, it seems as though this makes that special bond even stronger.
From reading your post, it sounds as though you've raised a wonderful young man. Be proud, you'll both still be there for each other, it's just a tiny bit further to "there". In the meantime, take Mom out to a nice dinner, laugh about all the funny "little boy" memories, then follow Llana's advice. *smile*
[glow=red,2,300]~ Cher ~[/glow]
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Post by hermatite on Sept 2, 2004 8:36:42 GMT -5
I'm 42 and I live almost a continent away from my parents. I get to see them maybe once a year and I miss them so much. I know my daughter will move away too...I was a wreck her first month of daycare...three months? I had to put her in daycare at three months...Coming from Canada that was a shock. But she's happy and such a great kid, I'm really counting my blessings. Even now at three I see her becoming more independent and I know she'll never ever be a baby again (is this why people have 10 kids?...I started too late...nothing like seeing "advanced maternal age" stamped on all your medical files to make you think about how old you are to be having kids). Anyway...my point and I do have one, is this, maybe the good things in life aren't supposed to be the easy things in life? The reward of having a good relationship with your kid means that you've raised them to be self-assured and loving adults. Is that it?
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Post by BearCreekLapidary on Sept 2, 2004 20:12:24 GMT -5
Hello everyone, I deeply appreciate all of your support ... It is GREATLY APPRECIATED I am 42 ... someday ... I'll grow up too! Thanks again, John
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Emerald
spending too much on rocks
Member since August 2004
Posts: 417
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Post by Emerald on Sept 3, 2004 0:25:49 GMT -5
John, We have alot in common. I'm just a tad older (44), but I have a son that is ready to move on anytime now. He still has roughly a 1.5 years of college left and is here at home. Every time we do something...I think to myself...I'd better enjoy every moment, because I know when he leaves, he won't have as much time for Mom.
I guess that's why our trip last weekend was so special for me. We had a wonderful time together....and for once...I had him all to myself. He usually has friends over or is working or school or on the phone or dating. :-) (plenty of women I might add)
Over dinner tonight, he told me he really wants to study abroad for a year if he can. (Australia) I told him to go for it and we'd help any way we can. He's young...not tied down....so he should do it now before real life gets in the way. I certainly don't want to push him out the door...but I want his dreams to become a reality. He'll have to make his decision about studying abroad in the next few months.....
John, I just want to send you a big hug...I get a lump in my throat even thinking about it.
Hugs, Helen
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