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Post by rockjunquie on Jul 25, 2014 10:33:33 GMT -5
I knew a woman who was horribly abused in the foster care program. When she got pregnant she was terrified that she would be an abuser. When the kid got older she would lock herself in the room when she was angry with kid. When she quickly cooled off from the situation, she would come out.
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Post by mohs on Jul 25, 2014 10:53:44 GMT -5
I was a good quiet reserved shy child parent didn't even know I existed until was 20 something now I'm a bad attitude dude mostly
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Sabre52
Cave Dweller
Me and my gal, Rosie
Member since August 2005
Posts: 20,456
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Post by Sabre52 on Jul 25, 2014 12:51:55 GMT -5
*LOL* I really don't fault dear old dad for thumping me as a youth. As some here have said they were, I was a wild child with a terrible violent temper and a polite spanking bounced off me like a tickle with a feather. Dad could have got sore arms trying to spank me open handed. I don't see my attitude about this as having to do with guilt but rather with a mature persons understanding of justifiable use of force while trying to teach an out of control kid civilized behavior, how to stand up for himself and how to understand there are repercussions for bad behavior. Whatever, it worked and I'm now civilized ( at least for the most part). Don't think I'm any the worse for the harsh discipline and am certainly much more aware of the fact bad actions can have bad consequences and that a civilized man must always be in control of his behavior *L*.....Mel
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chassroc
Cave Dweller
Rocks are abundant when you have rocktumblinghobby pals
Member since January 2005
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Post by chassroc on Jul 25, 2014 13:12:17 GMT -5
yeah..spanking is definitely violent and violence. If controlled (and thats a big if), there may be justification for corporal punishment, but spankings may be the result of anger and frustration and a lack of desire to deal with the behavioral issues at hand... and all those of you who think it was good that you were spanked, I don't get it ( begs lots of questions about just what are you thinking, how much guilt do you carry around, and what could a child or infant possibly do that warrants corporal punishment? When my son was young he saw the head of all military pediatricians. I asked him about spankings. He said that he thought it was warranted when a kid did something that was life threatening. If spanked very rarely, it leaves a mighty impression. Like when I caught my son trying to stick a fork in an outlet. Or, when I was playing with matches. Or, when I was out waaaaay later than I should have been. Or, when I was caught out riding my new bike in traffic. Or, when my 5 year old daughter bolted from my hand and jumped in front of a mac truck. (Yes, she did and I have the gray hair to prove it.) Kids think they are invincible, they aren't. I do think it was good that I was spanked. And, yes, incredibly, I even believe my parents loved me because of it (and other things, of course). My kids, who were rarely spanked, but necessarily spanked, thank me for it. I carry zero guilt. Why do you find it necessary to personalize your argument with a such an inflammatory closing statement against people who believe differently than you do? That's just rude. Don't be a hater. My apologies..my reaction was astonishment, not hate...sorry it came across that way
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Post by rockjunquie on Jul 25, 2014 14:08:03 GMT -5
It's cool. You just sounded a little harsh. I gladly accept your apology.
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Post by mohs on Jul 25, 2014 18:45:30 GMT -5
O my Pop's - Remo Bromo Rock Radio & Records Would pop us boys He even manhandle us But you really had to piss him off Like be disrespectful He could probably over look a little mischievnesous He certainly wasn’t one to administer a board of justice As a tool of control It was more of like a garbage can would come flying your way But then he’d cool off reall quick No hard feelings I miss my Dad But he probably doesn’t miss this crazy world Moslty
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Member since January 1970
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2014 19:42:15 GMT -5
yeah..spanking is definitely violent and violence. If controlled (and thats a big if), there may be justification for corporal punishment, but spankings may be the result of anger and frustration and a lack of desire to deal with the behavioral issues at hand... and all those of you who think it was good that you were spanked, I don't get it ( begs lots of questions about just what are you thinking, how much guilt do you carry around, and what could a child or infant possibly do that warrants corporal punishment? Is this opinion a reflection of something? Just the other day, I was really disappointed by my dog's behaviour. I show him my displeasure by varying degrees of response. Some times I just bark at him with an angry voice. I am sure he reads my face too. Last week, I needed more. More in this case was a mad face, loud voice and a single swat to his hind quarters. Past experience tells that he wont do what made my disappointed for at least 2 years. I never had to spank kidlet. Never once. But had the level of disappointment risen to that degree, a spanking would have been appropriately applied. You are free to judge anybody for anything you want. But your opinion that a swift smack on the ass in response to poor behaviour, is violence. Is only that, an opinion. Your opinion. Me? I make no judgement. If folks want to let their kids run amok and not punish them for spitting mashed potatoes oh their host's walls, then that is fine. Incarceration may be in that child's future, and the parent can count his number of friend's minus 1. True story. If that kid was in my home, I would have grabbed him by his collar and made it exquisitely clear that this behaviour is completely unacceptable in this home and that he is now expected to clean up the mess; right now. His parents are free to react as they desire. This has happened twice in my home. The first (was making a mess) parent thanked me for the swift and absolute response. The second (was theft) and the parents bailed. The first kid is at UC Riverside now, the second is a prostitute. Anger is/has never been a component in any punishment I have ever delivered. Your mileage may vary.
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jamesp
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Member since October 2012
Posts: 36,155
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Post by jamesp on Jul 25, 2014 20:01:40 GMT -5
I was surprised when my friends did not give their children whippings. Dumbfounded. Some of their kids did not seem to need them,granted. But many of them sure did. And I was curious about their kid's destiny from the start. Watching them grow I considered them to have struggles with work ethic, maturity and respect. I thought they were brats. I sensed the parents were a bit ashamed of them in some cases and should have been ashamed of them in most cases. But in the end, it will be the child's problem to deal with other people and life in general. Life in general is many more times cruel than a spanking. I think the human mind is deviant and young minds need a wide range of stimulation, including spankings.
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jamesp
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Member since October 2012
Posts: 36,155
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Post by jamesp on Jul 25, 2014 20:09:05 GMT -5
yea Scott. My parents hated to whip me but they did. it was not in a cruel or hateful atmosphere. It was deserved. And that was clearly pointed out. The words corporal punishment does not relate to a concerned parent spanking their child Charlie. While you are telling them to stop doing wrong the child is usually laughing at you. Not all, but many. And they need a spanking. It's simple.
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Post by mohs on Jul 25, 2014 20:21:51 GMT -5
the one you had to be careful of in my household was my 78 year old Noni she had mean streak with a wooden spoon mostly
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Simon
spending too much on rocks
Member since March 2009
Posts: 352
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Post by Simon on Jul 26, 2014 17:50:42 GMT -5
Had spankings I deserved, had beatings I didn't, my father died in prison on the 14th may this year, the world is a better place without him in it. My worst fear was that I would be like him, I have an evil temper with a trip switch, but I'm not like him. The spankings worked I learned respect, the beatings made me mean, there was no reason for them just his own twisted ideas. My partner has 2 sons, both teenagers when we got together I never had any reason to hit either of them, they did push the buttons but what kids don't.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Member since January 1970
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2014 21:22:49 GMT -5
Simon - it is really great to see "the buck stopped" with you. I also did not pass the buck along. Dad was a violent prick in my childhood. Kids pushing buttons is simply them testing boundaries. Understanding this is powerful. They are giving you power. Once you realize this, then you get to decide where the boundaries are. Kids want you to be happy. They just need to know where the happiness ends and avoid that. If you fail to set a clear boundary they will continue to push until... well, until something bad happens. Illustrated example. Out of town for a soccer tournament (Laughlin Nevada). I was asked to watch the three sons (ages 8-10-12) of a friend for Saturday night. We all stayed at the same hotel but mom and dad of these kids were otherwise engaged for this one evening (David Copperfield in Vegas!!). I love these kids; I eagerly accepted the assignment. When we all met to start our evening I laid out our game plan. "Dad say's bed time is 10PM for all of you." They all agreed this was cool. I said, "tomorrow the (sister's) first soccer game is 1PM, so we can stay up later. BUT; only if we are all having fun and not causing trouble. Trouble in this hotel - tonight is - being loud, running around, and disturbing the other guests of this hotel. Tonight, I want and expect you guys to play and have fun. But you must not make a disturbance. If you make it until 10PM without causing any problems, I will let you guys stay up until 11PM". I had worked this out with dad, he agreed. They wanted to go for a "night swim". The pool is open until 11PM but an adult must be present for kids to swim. No problem, I took my cooler of adult beverages to the pool with the kids and other parents joined me. I had a good time with my friends. The boys had a great night, played in the pool and discovered the volleyball court too. They ran around and even made some appropriate noises. They earned the extra hour and were totally burned out at 10:30. I escorted them to bed and promised to sing high praises to their dad in the morning. Actually; management made comments of praise to their dad for me. They were pleased to see these rambunctious boys NOT disturbing the other guests but still able to have a great time. The key in my eyes was the distinct boundary and the reward for good behaviour. Kids CAN be trusted to act accordingly. But only when the boundary is clear. That night I learned, boys will be boys. But a real young man knows how to do that without causing problems for others. That night, those three boys were indeed young men.
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Post by Rockoonz on Jul 26, 2014 23:04:04 GMT -5
I once heard an interesting proverb... Children are like canoes, easily directed when paddled from behind.
I tend to agree with @chassrock that corporal punishment is violence, but is all violence bad? When I sucessfully drive a nail into a board with a hammer, the violent act I have perpetrated is quite constructive. When I miss the nail and hit my finger my well intentioned act was not properly directed and does no good at all. When I angrily pound holes into the wall in my pain the hammer is no longer a tool but a destructive force. It's really all about direction and focus, and far too many parents are too self centered to bother making the effort.
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Post by Rockoonz on Jul 27, 2014 1:19:44 GMT -5
A very accurate view on modern child rearing. Child worship...
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jamesp
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Member since October 2012
Posts: 36,155
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Post by jamesp on Jul 27, 2014 5:03:42 GMT -5
George has it figured well. Thanks for reminding us about George.
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Simon
spending too much on rocks
Member since March 2009
Posts: 352
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Post by Simon on Jul 27, 2014 7:05:52 GMT -5
Yarp, George had me laughing, definitely has his eye on the ball.
Edited to, add the following. There is a school of thought that says we choose our parents before we are born, I don't buy into that cos if it were true then I would be a multi millionaire.
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Post by bobby1 on Jul 27, 2014 15:17:30 GMT -5
I wasn't an unruly kid so I didn't get much physical discipline. My older brother was a knot head and he got it more but unfortunately he pulled me into his capers and I got similar punishment as he did. My mom was the brutal dispenser of the whipping/spanking and I harbored some mild resentment of her all my life. Bob
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Post by rockjunquie on Jul 27, 2014 16:09:46 GMT -5
I was just talking to my youngest brother- who rarely ever got spanked, btw, and he reminded me that study after study has concluded that being emotionally/psychologically abused was as bad, if not worse, than being spanked or even physically abused. Hard to believe unless you really think about it. Emotional scars stay with us. Just thought I would throw that out there.
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Post by rockjunquie on Jul 27, 2014 16:25:00 GMT -5
Actually, that gets me thinking.... Maybe the grown up child defines their "spankings" by the amount of emotional trauma attached to the incident. Some ppl/kids are more emotional/sensitive than others and may be much more affected by a spanking- perceiving it to be more of a beating than a spanking. Speaking for myself, of course, I think some of my spankings could have bordered on beating. I just never saw it that way- not until I am thinking of it just now. But, I don't have any lingering psychological issues over it. If I did, perhaps I would define what I got differently. Granted I was a rotten kid who would egg it by laughing or cursing, too. Thinking of my own kids, two would have been mortified and probably would call it abuse if they got the spankings that my one daughter got- the one who is my clone. We are very close and I know she doesn't think she was abused. The other two were the kind of kids who just wanted to please and would be very upset with themselves if they didn't. I used to say that they punished themselves- I didn't have to.
Just thinking out loud- not directed at anyone.
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Deleted
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Member since January 1970
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2014 17:16:26 GMT -5
Spanked.. No.. More like Beat to a bloody pulp.. I ended up getting beat up because I stood up for our dog.. My father hit the dog and my self so hard we (the dog and I)went threw the cheesy plaster walls back in the old house we lived in. So coming from a very abusive family, I was fortunate that my Mother took us both away from her abusive husband.
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